


it was over.

by marvelstans



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gay, Homophobia, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-03-04 07:02:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13359009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelstans/pseuds/marvelstans
Summary: *AFTER THE INCIDENT WITH SNAPE*remus and sirius get into a figth and remus breaks up with him. attempted suicide.WARNING- DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH SUICIDE/SELF HARMi love getting comments from you guys. if you enjoyed this story (or didnt enjoy it, haha) please tell me! i respond to all comments :)





	1. Remus

"WELL, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THINK IT WAS A FUNNY IDEA? I COULD HAVE KILLED HIM!" 

"WELL, HE'S FINE, ISN'T HE? AND ANYWAY, WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT HAPPENED TO SNIVELUS?"

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!"

Remus sat down suddenly, like all the air had left his body. "I could have killed him. HE COULD HAVE DIED!"

suddenly they were back on their feet, words flying like daggers acrss the room. 

"WELL, SIRIUS, SINCE YOU THINK IT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY TO ALMOST HAVE ME MURDER ANOTHER STUDENT, MAYBE YOU'LL FIND THIS FUNNY AS WELL. I'M FINISHED! I'M DONE! WE'RE DONE, SIRIUS! IT'S OVER!"

remus slammed out of the room, but not fast enough to avoid hearing sirius scream his name. not fast enough to not see james rush to his side. not fast enough to shut his ears to sirius's heart-wrenching sobs. he stopped outside the door. he put his hand on the handle. something inside his brain clicked. he took his hand off the doorknob and walked away. it was over. 

it was over. 

over.

OVER.

The word seemed to be burned into his mind. the letters kept getting bigger and bigger until he could see nothing else. tears blinded him as he ran through the entrance hall and out into the grounds. 

he reached the edge of the forbidden forest and slumped against a thick tree. he put his head on his knees and cried for long enough to get a weird, puffy face, but not long enough to forget what he was crying about. all he wanted was to hold sirius close again and tell him everything would be alright, that he was sorry. 

but it was over, and remus had always been a man of his word.


	2. Sirius

the boy with the long black hair sat on his bed, a quill and parchment in his shaking hand.

 

he had written and rewritten this letter at least 8 times now. it just wasn't perfect.

 

but it was his last letter, to his last love. it should be meaningful. it should say all the things Sirius wasn't brave enough to say to James, to Peter, to Remus. especially to Remus. 

 

he dipped the quill in ink, delicately, like he had been taught to for all his childhood. his hand hovered over the page, and Sirius began to write.

 

> _to my family._
> 
>  
> 
> _to james: I'm sorry, ok.  I'm sorry. I didn't want to do this. but I guess we all have to go at some point. mine is just... sooner. please know that I love you like a brother, and I will always be grateful for you letting me into your life. I never want to hurt you, ever. promise me you'll stay smiling. or at least, don't be like me. taking the cowards way out. prongs, you've been the best mate I could have wished for, but all good things have to end at some point, don't they? I love you, Jamie. don't forget that. forget all our jokes and stories and memories if you want, but don't forget that._
> 
> _to peter: hey, wormtail. you're such a happy person, and I would hate to be the reason to stop your smile. please don't be sad when you think of me. think of all the good times, yeah? think of all our times spent together, playing pranks and being idiots. love you, wormy.see you later, brother. keep being you._
> 
> _and lastly, to remus. remus. I don't know quite what to put here. I don't know what you're going to think when you read this. I know that I did a stupid thing, with Severus. I can't express how sorry I am for that. I know that you probably hate me right now. you have all the reason in the world to. but, Remus, I love you. or at least, I did. I guess I've fucked it all up now. but, moony, you're so perfect. I would have ruined you. I can't live with myself right now. I've tried to escape my reality, but every morning, i still wake up with a cold bed and a broken heart. I still have scars on my wrists that will never fade. I still hate myself. but, I guess that in the end, we don't really matter, do we? in the grand scheme of things. I don't mean anything in this world. nothing I do matters. after all, I am just the "stupid faggot", as my mother so kindly put it. please, please promise me, remus, that you wont ever add scars to your body that weren't caused by full moons, ok, promise me! you are valid, and you are worthy. you're my moony. I love you more than all the stars in the galaxy. I won't keep writing now, because otherwise I won't have the courage to go through with this. bye for now, Remus. I hope you can be happy now._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  


	3. REMUS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus visits an unconscious Sirius in the hospital. mentions of self harm, suicide warning. DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE SUICIDE.

"how is he?"

"looks like you found him just in time. a few more minutes and he certainly would have died. he's still unstable though, so he isn't out of the woods yet."

"can I see him?"

"Mr Lupin, I really don't think that's a good idea."

"please. i have to apologise. i can't live without him."

the mediwitch looked at Remus with an expression of sorrow and sympathy.

"please."

the word fell from Remus' mouth so quietly he didn't know if the mediwitch had heard him. a tear rolled down his cheek.

 "alright then, but not for too long."

remus flashed her a brief smile before entering the room.

Sirius was laying on the bed, his eyes closed. his dark hair made his face look pale and vunerable. there were drips and fluids coming out of his arms, and blood was starting to soak through the bandages on his wrists.

"oh god Sirius, what have i done to you? i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry."

remus let out a muffled sob and sank into the chair next to the bed. his hand found Sirius' and gripped it

. "siri, please, come back. i love you. please forgive me. i love you."

at the lack of response from the Gryffindor, remus put his head on sirius' shoulder and 2 perfect teardrops ran down his cheeks.

"come back to me, Sirius. Please."

the werewolf grasped Sirius' hand more gently, and ran his thumb over the bandages on his wrists. he imagined Sirius bending over the sink, locking the door. his nightmares were haunted by the sight of wrists gushing blood, and a Sirius shaped hole in his heart. a world without him was a world remus didn't want.

if Sirius woke up, would he forgive remus? what if he didn't? what if he hated him? remus studied the still, tranquil face for signs of movement, and as he looked, sirius' eyes flickered open.

"remus?"

"Sirius!" he flung his arms around the delicate boy and hugged him fiercely. his voice was shaking.

"i..i thought i'd l,lost you."

"re', i..."

Sirius broke off. his mouth opened and shut, trying to form words. a loud beeping noise caused remus to whip his head round. the moniters next to the man's bed were going nuts. his heartrate was irregular and his blood pressure was in the 97th percentile.

"NURSE! NURSE! COME QUICK!"

 

 

 


End file.
